I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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