How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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