sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
