i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize