So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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