she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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