that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
