Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
