Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
