Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
honey bunches of taint.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
