This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
