So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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