so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
