fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
