he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
