so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
