I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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