dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
