so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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