you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
