the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
