so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
