It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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