I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
