would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
