My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
what is it with giant penises always finding me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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