I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
