i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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