we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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