It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
