dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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