I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
