what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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