Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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