Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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