his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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