The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
