On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
