Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize