you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
