Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
