Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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