Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Plan B is the new Plan A
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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