I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
