If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
