Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
