Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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