i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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