Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
