I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
