Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
