I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My life is pants optional.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
