I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
