I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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