she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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