it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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