I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
