I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
