Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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